Oh yeah, now I remember why I keep putting in the braids.

Thirsty.

Bubbling. I know that this is not about today or yesterday, but a lifetime of things.

It’s just concern. It’s just excitement. It’s just newness. It’s just change. I suppose I can just call it what it is and that is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that I’ll disappoint.

They are big but I think the size of them feels more expansive than cumbersome. There is more room for making. It’s almost time.

How to Do Nothing, Doing Nothing, How to Break Up with Your Phone. I sense a theme.

His older siblings are out with their friends. It’s just me and him. We camp out in the living room for more rounds of UNO before heading to his room to build things with legos. He wants to watch tv. I tell him that the experiment continues. That there is no end date for the experiment. Once baseball starts this will be much easier.

When is not a season of change? Is this not the nature of life?

I chose the dessert scene. Something about it spoke to me. Note to self: ask Rachel about retreat in Tucson. I make the sun a metallic gold, the mountains in charcoal, and the saguaro in green. Not perfect, but good enough. Good enough is always good enough. “Loosen up your strings.”

Past my bedtime. This is exciting. This will be good for me.