I don’t think I should be this tired.

I forgot to move the elf. No one is awake. I see an envelope stuck underneath him. She did write the letter. She really is the sweetest. I love that she has chosen to believe in the magic.

Then I realize I ought to write her back.

She reads it outloud. She seems satisfied with the response.

Back into the clouds.

I task myself with a few extra things and this keeps me busy enough to feel more productive. Then I wonder if I’m a sadist.

I head out into the rain and turn the corner to find three deer. Three. My magic number. They look at me and I look at them. We look at each other. I smile. I ask them if they’d like to go. But I take it as good medicine.

Affirmations and Confirmations.

Oh, Wendy.

We drink the Azul-Verde and I immediately regret it because it was so delicious. Hot bath. Too hot. A few more chapters of Lilith’s Brood. I wonder if baths are now my creative outlet. I mourn my inability/unwillingness/lack of presence to sit and do the work I fell called to do. Like she said in that episode, I’m not doing the work that makes my insides happy.

And, yet.