3:52 am.

So much red.

How can I be so disciplined in all other areas except for this?

No one else is awake yet. I take my mug of nettle tea to the sofa and write. I keep getting distracted by the flicker of the candles. This is what Saturdays are for: quite, warmth, candlelight.

It’s still early enough that even though it’s the weekend before Christmas, the stores are fairly quiet. As in I can move about freely with my cart and take my time.

He has on a Packers sweatshirt. I smile to myself. I regret not saying something about being a Bears fan.

Mac and cheese and a pour of Charles Wetmore in the 8 year-olds bed because they are playing xBox in the kitchen and he’s watching football in our bedroom and so this is the only refuge. I slink beneath the covers and turn on “Glow Up.”

“I’m already so bored from watching t.v.” And it’s only the first day of Christmas break.

Undone.

I should have bought dessert.