Earlier and earlier.

Grind beans, fill pot with water, wait.

No. I will still go in early, still attend the meeting. I will finish the job. I think of what I’ll write, the people I need to thank; the amount of work I accomplished in such a short time; the ways in which I learned firsthand the difficulties presented to women returning to the workforce after choosing to be caregivers; the irony of being told that you’re over-qualified and yet under-qualified over and over again; sad to leave but also proud. Slow down. I haven’t even had coffee yet.

Debby Millman interviewing Lucy Wainwright Roche. I’m with you Lucy, I also like sad songs.

The last one.

I remembered headphones today. I walk through the parking lot and toward the vineyards where we tried to capture some shots of the vineyard team. I find two bluish cranes. Or are they herons? I can never tell. Blunt cuts on the vines, wires, green hills and golf carts off in the distance. Resistance Served Vibes soundtrack in my ears. I want to cry.

The last hour goes by too quickly. We’ll have more time tomorrow.

A 50-point win is a fun way to end the season.

This is ego talking and I know it but I also want to give it voice.

He will tell me to take it down.

I know he thinks I’m just afraid of the new thing. It’s not the work that I’m afraid of—I know I can do almost anything I want to do. It’s just the newness of everything I’m about to enter into.

I lean against the shower wall and think of what she said: “Nothing is subtractive.” Everything matters. All of this is important.