Monday.

No appetite. I grab an apple and head out to see the snails.

Coffee. Start early.

I begin to remember things about myself.

Watching a wild idea take off with such little time to prepare. There is magic in just doing the thing.

He asks me how I’m not also angry. I’ve been really angry for the last two weeks. I don’t have the energy to display anger any more. I do, however, feel on the verge of tears. I just lean against the wall and say, “I can’t think right now.”

Mother guilt. I think of how we moved and how I started working almost right away and how this was the first school year where I worked away from home most of the days and how maybe that wasn’t such a good idea for my family because what it meant was that I wasn’t there to help foster the connections we all need after such a big transition.

Did I eat lunch?

Some of the empanadas split open. She tells me I might have had air bubbles. She would know since she watches all the baking shows.

He’s so much happier after baseball. If he could play all day he would be just fine. There is no one to play with. I have no one to play with. How do I make him understand that I am just as lonely too?

Her face and her laugh. Good medicine for today.