Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Six
I can do it.
The challenge of something new. The way the body shakes. The way the mind needs to focus.
Losing time while trying to find what has been lost.
Tumeric latte and a frittata. She says she’s been trying to catch my eye. Wants to understand how I got my hair this way. And where do I live? Here. Yep. Here.
Remembering to put the chicken into the Instapot for tacos.
Last year? A wonder we lost by only 13 points.
I tell him that I think tonight I might need to break my caffeine fast. “If I’m asking them to have energy, I need to bring some energy, too.”
I turn on my 90’s and 2000’s alternative playlist and sip on a dirty chai while setting up the gym. “11 a.m.” by Incubus. Pushing the switch to raise the backboards.
A lot of smiles and laughter. I don’t stop the conversations. This is good. Let it carry.
31-28. A few more minutes to go. I think we’re going to do it. I think it’s going to happen.
Now, tomorrow, we can really party.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Five
Body says to rest today.
But I feel the lack of energy. And I’m out of decaf pods for the placebo effect.
Mind is moving slow, slow, slow.
Krug is never a bad idea.
Who knew scratch-offs would be the hot ticket item for the white elephant? I end up with a set of whisky glasses into which I’ll pour crisp white wine for fireside reading because sometimes you don’t need to follow any rules.
Still mulling over what the goal of the afternoon will be. Just gotta go with my gut.
What is a pathway to joy? Gratitude? Sleep? A combination of both.
He asks me if we had an intervention. Kind of.
The timing of things.
One more day and then some real days of rest.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Four
Up before the alarm. Thinking of all the things that need to get done.
Another decaf to take off the chill.
The drive there is long, but at least it’s sunny.
Pay attention to the signs.
Two dear out in the field. I always forget how much space there is out here. Maybe this is what will be next.
“So designate a space for your thoughts to whirl and wander. Then implement your more practical plans. Doing so will help you indulge your imagination while staying grounded in reality.” - Chani
I am tired of writing this word, but I’m going to write it anyway.
Feeling very deeply the tension between what is and what I want to be.
It either happens or it doesn’t. And no one will die in the end.
If this were last year, I would just go sit in his office and talk it through. Maybe I’d see a bird in the feeder. Maybe I’d figure it out sooner.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Three
A patch of blue sky through the fog.
Not sure what all of this is for.
I read the text messages and start to think. What do I do now? She says I’m handling it with grace.
In and out of the fog. Winding through the hills.
He says he walked to the In ‘n’ Out to get lunch. That he loved the time alone. It gave him time to clear his head. Best burger he’s had. Order number 7. Fresh fries. That’s my kid.
Once I figure out where I am, I ask to see him, but he’s in a patient-only space, so I go back to the lobby, where someone is playing piano, and try to work while I wait.
Now, to get all the way back home.
So close. So close.
Keep building the connections.
To ice cream or not to ice cream, that is the question.
Losing will never not be hard.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Two
The rain sounds heavy. Very heavy.
How do I make this a work-from-home kind of day?
We both find our feet in front of the fire, laptops in hand.
But what I really want to do is go back to bed and fall asleep to the sound of the rain.
Doing it.
Fun run and then brownie bites.
For some reason, I feel compelled to buy ice cream and caramel and walnuts. And I probably won’t eat it.
“It’s a fatal error to not go with your gut.”
And then you remember why you do what you’re doing and why you love it.
What do we need to do tomorrow to recreate what we achieved yesterday?