Ten.Two Hundred & Thirty-Three
1. Up.
2. She tells me that I’m the most elegant person she’s ever seen this early in the morning. I laugh. It’s really just the lighting in this space. Can’t have people walking around trying to be mindful if they’re being too vein.
3. The air this morning has more bite to it.
4. At the end of breakfast I walk with threee white men to meditation with Sylvia Boorstein. The room itself is made up of meditators of all genders and ages and ethnicities.
5. As I begin my intentional breath I begin to see purples and greens and then yellows before the space behind my eyes becomes blindingly white.
6. Sylvie is from Toulouse and just now finding the power that comes from giving written voce to her story.
7. Marilyn Nelson reading poetry is just ... it brings me to a place of wordlessness.
8. Seth Godin.
9. I warm my hand by the fire. It is strange to feel surrounded and yet alone, to be connected and yet feel so separate.
10. I still am not sure how I got here or why I was selected but I have let these last few days change me, which means I am going to be changing my days.
Ten.Two Hundred & Thirty-Three
1. Awake but afraid to disturb my roommate who happens to also be from Chicago and incredibly cool.
2. What do city CFOs, educational consultants, radiologists, and writers have in common?
3. What we all have in common is being human.
4. I keep seeing Seth Godin in the dining hall.
5. I manage to have a quiet moment in the amphitheater tucked away in the redwoods. I eat my apple. Listen to the sound of the stream.
6. The amount of mental stimulation is exhausting. The conversations are weighty. Everyone is so captivating.
7. I find myself spending a lot of time self-validating—reminding myself that I was chosen to be here for a reason even though in comparison my accomplishments seem so small.
8. This tool for discernment is one to share.
9. The stars. My god, the stars. I want to tell him that I’m feeling an immense sadness. A fear that this will not work out after all. That we’ve wasted so much energy and time —ours and other’s. That I want so badly to be here that the thought of it falling apart pains me.
10. I hear myself use this one phrase over and over. An elevator pitch I wrote some time ago. Watching is land is an interesting experience. I still don’t know if I belong in these rooms.
Ten.Two Hundred & Thirty-One
1. I wake up a little later than I intended to but the light is just now starting to come into the room.
2. They’re FaceTime-ing me at 6:30am. Time zones. They are in the car and on their way to school.
3. I take my time getting ready. The light from the skylight in the bathroom makes me smile.
4. I grab a big mug, cream in color and speckled. Hot water for tea.
5. The three of us in the booth talking about the places in which we live, how motherhood changes you. How it changes everything.
6. So much sun.
7. I find a Target to get some shoes for the shower. And a few bananas in case I get hungry before bed.
8. It’s so warm I’m sweating as I roll my bag to the room.
9. I write that I’m very teary today. Crying about almost everything.
10. We hold hands because we are braided together just like the challah we are about to partake of.
10.1 Byron introduces me to Parker Palmer before we sit down for dinner. And a young woman, Mariah, who happens to be a senior editor for the On Being blog joins us. And it is a lovely conversation and I tear up talking about how overwhelmingly grateful I am.
10.2 I think there will be a lot of tears this weekend.
10.3 Krista Tippet and David Whyte.