Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Seventy-Seven
Preparations.
Coffee delivery chit-chat and cool morning air and clear skies and a lot of cars.
The light.
Deep breaths, sweat, and gratitude. When I walk by a thick group of bushes, a flock of birds bursts from the branches.
“What star are you shooting for?”
When you just know there’s more.
“Change is inevitable, but personal growth is a choice.” - Bob Proctor
BBQ and a can of sparkling wine and good conversation.
I feel like I have so much to do, but I can’t remember exactly what it all is.
Too much.
Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Seventy-Six
Strentgth.
Four days in a row. I decide that tomorrow will be a rest day; the work will come later.
Will I regret this all-black choice by the end of the day?
“What can’t she do?”
Familiar faces in the light-filled Atrium.
Basically, what I’m saying is that the grass is never greener, but some things are worth sacrificing for freedom.
The longest, shortest week ever. What day is it? What month is it? What hour? When will it be the weekend again?
They roll to 6-0.
It always takes longer than I think it will. Need to make more space.
I just want it to be fun, and right now, it doesn’t feel fun.
Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Seventy-Five
In the dream, I have lost all of the basketballs.
So glad he remembered.
“Fail big.”
Not at the car. Not again.
This isn’t about me.
I tell him that I’m just too tired to argue. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore.
But I also don’t want to give up.
Chips and salsa. These thin slices of kumquats. Old friends. Not nearly enough time. “You’re like the mayor in here.”
Legacy. Gift. Offering. Favor. Blessing.
Life is a wild ride.
Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Seventy-Four
Can I do it?
Intermediate? I should turn back. No. I can do it.
I am barely doing it.
But this text message. This is the one that throws me over the edge.
He says there’s a bunch of gladiolus on the porch. He says he knows who the flowers are from. But they’re in Hawaii, I say. Can’t be them.
So hot in the sun, but not a single cloud in the sky. The best and the worst.
Gluten-free cupcake.
I blame the Tabata.
Do we just leave?
The question is: Can I do it again tomorrow?
Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Seventy-Three
Cool, cool morning. My favorite kind of morning.
“I am the source of time.”
He asks me if I’m happy. I give an honest response. he tells me about the crush of the 15-month delay. Things happen for a reason, I say. He says he doesn’t want to take the money. But they see something in you, I say. Something you didn’t see in yourself.
No one can see me fall out here.
Seed. Experimentation. Crafting. Momentum. Completion.
“Once we understand our past, we can design our future.”
Everyone is interested only in themselves.
Almost everything.
It’s not just the jacket. It’s the hat, too. I’m going to miss his spirit.
I’m not stuck.