Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Eighty-Seven

1. Fruit day.

2. I arrive a little early, but they’ve already begun. Stack of half-ton bins filled with Merlot. It is still foggy and cool. I look at each station. I can do that and that and that. Could there ever be a time when I can do any of it again?

3. Eating tacos with her inher office. A familiar space. It feels good to be back in here again.

4. I tell her that I just don’t have the same sense of urgency as everyone else. That could be a good or a bad thing.

5. Everything is a choice.

6. I can feel the difference.

7. Maple walnut fudge.

8. It is only natural to think back and wonder what could have been done differently. But then, you wouldn’t be you if you hadn’t done what you had done. And a new you would require new choices, new ways of being and doing.

9. The time passes anyway.

10. Stacking the week with friend dates was a great idea.

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Eighty-Six

1. Consistency.

2. But stronger than last time.

3. Another foggy morning. Another French press of decaf. Another pan of bacon.

4. Familiar faces. It’s getting real now.

5. Salad and sunlight. A quiet spot in the back.

6. A new favorite hangout.

7. November 1? November 1.

8. It is always so cold in this grocery store.

9. Hammock time.

10. I can almost see it.

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Eighty-Five

1. Morning fog.

2. Clarity.

3. “You see with your mind.”

4. This is an example of the hard things.

5. One more homework assignment.

6. One more grocery list without a meal plan.

7. Two pieces of burnt pizza. A corner of sun on the deck. Two more burnt pieces and a nap in the hammock.

8. Fifty days.

9. Fifteen.

10. What died in here? Probably a snake.

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Eighty-Four

1. When no sleep feels like being hungover.

2. I start to think I should have picked a different weekend but there is no better weekend. Every weekend is the same. Every weekend will feel like we’re just trying to cram it all in. There is no perfect moment.

3. Cheetos.

4. I can’t wait to take a nap.

5. Gratitudes for the space and the ability to make this happen. And there’s not too much screaming. 15 seems so old.

6. Two-bite cupcakes.

7. No more snake sightings as of yet.

8. The older they get, the shorter the years. You just become so much more aware of the passing of time. How much little of it there is. I am afraid of losing it, of wasting it, of there not being enough.

9. I tell them that for the first time, it’s actually starting to feel like too much.

10. I will regret this bowl of ice cream in the morning but for now…

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Eighty-Three

1. Can’t stop thinking about snakes.

2. Validation.

3. Where is my cookie?

4. This is not going to work out as well as I thought it would, but I’ll figure it out?

5. We talk about the difference between freelancing and a “real job” and the beauty and ugliness of both. The grass is never greener.

6. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting something different.

7. A smile on the face.

8. One minute late.

9. Extensions?

10. Very much not prepared for this birthday party that’s happening tomorrow.