Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Twenty-One

1. Up before the alarm but slow to slide out from beneath the warmth.

2. Trying to find things in the dark.

3. Pacing around the kitchen, trying to figure out what could replace the missing decaf. Nothing.

4. I never think of this place but it’s kind of perfect.

5. Kids PB & J. I tell her it’s my go-to when I don’t really have an appetite but need to eat something. And it’s also the cheapest sandwich you can order from Sunshine.

6. My questions are probably not relevant, but they keep popping into my head.

7. Not fitting in anywhere.

8. I didn’t realize they were related.

9. You can feel it on a night like tonight.

10. We can do better, though, can’t we?

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Twenty-One

1. New movements.

2. Sunlight.

3. No more decaf pods. I slid her Birkenstocks over my hiking socks and mentally prepare for the walk inside the store.

4. Hot water with lemon. No appetite.

5. Professional ambition?

6. You can see what you want to see.

7. Last home game. That means it’s almost time now.

8. I take it back.

9. I tell them that they like high school. But I knew they would.

10. Should have gotten a cheeseburger. Lettuce wrap. Grilled onions. Bacon. Special sauce. Ketchup. Mustard. Pickles.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Twenty-One

1. Fogbound.

2. Numb fingers. It’s not even that cold yet.

3. Trusting my own method of recovery.

4. Sun on skin and fresh air.

5. Chainsaws and voices in the distance.

6. We talk about books that we go back to over and over again when we need a bit of inspiration to keep going: the first chapter of East of Eden, any of my favorite shorts by Alice Munro, Octavia Butler, a play by Tennessee Williams.

7. “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” ― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man\

8. Less than two weeks.

9. Blank space.

10. Affirmations.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Twenty

1. “Last round, best round.”

2. This one is too easy now, which is a good thing.

3. Maybe just one more day?

4. I take my decaf and journal to the chair and stare out at the trees without writing a word or taking a sip. I just look out into the distance.

5. When you can feel it in your body.

6. Ticking boxes.

7. ““When seeking guidance, don't ever listen to the tiny-hearted.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

8. He says that he sounds like he’ll be a good partner. I think he will be, too. This is going to be a good year. We’re building the right team.

9. Smothered pork chops and mashed potatoes. No one is eating the squash.

10. They’ll be home by midnight.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Nineteen

1. Dark and quiet.

2. As I twist, I watch as the sun begins to turn the tops of the trees yellow-green.

3. I snore myself awake while in Savasana. That’s how I know I’m tired.

4. They say that the second one was scarier than the first. That’s usually hard to do. I don’t think I’ll be watching it, though.

5. “Release the shame you feel when resting. It does not belong to you.” ― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto

6. I needed that four-hour nap.

7. One more day.

8. What can be squirreled away?

9. Someone had to lose.

10. “You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.” – Michael Jordan.