Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Forty-Five

1. Slow it down.

2. Sunrise meditation. Trying to ignore the sound of the coffee grinder.

3. Gratitudes for a day that feels like Friday when it’s only Wednesday.

4. Look at the extra time as if it is a gift.

5. We both agree that we miss the people the most.

6. Eat every bite.

7. Feet and fire and sparkling water. Thinking about the free time I’ll soon enjoy.

8. Relief.

9. He asks me what I want the kids to do tomorrow because soon, no one will be here anymore. That I’ll finally get to have my tiny tree.

10. Dream with your eyes open.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Forty-Four

1. Dreams about dropped cakes.

2. No more ice cream for me.

3. “Last round, best round.” Stretches and then a meditation of affirmations.

4. I tell him that I lost my cool just a bit. “I said, ‘I don’t come here to lose.’ I don’t want them to lose.”

5. Yes, of course, I’m here on time.

6. Still not entirely comfortable.

7. Leaves falling from trees like snow falling from the sky. Red and yellow and orange papering the asphalt. Green. Blue sky. And yet I spy clouds resting on the tips of the trees.

8. Time for a fire.

9. Trust your gut.

10. I’d really like to eat a slice of this pecan pie right now. But. Restraint.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Forty-Three

1. Monday. No sounds of rain. I kind of miss it.

2. Big cup of decaf to drink while I wait.

3. Gray light and wet red leaves and pink crocks and black pants. Finding beauty in the things that do not make sense.

4. Be grateful for what is and not what isn’t.

5. She says we should decorate for Christmas the day before Thanksgiving. I do not disagree.

6. Oh, no. I think this meeting might be in person.

7. Tomorrow.

8. She sends a skull and bones emoji. Her humor amuses me.

9. Where to send the anger and the frustration? How do I not hold it in my face? Sleep. Adjust expectations. Have fun anyway.

10. “Learn how to use your words in real time.” - queercosmos

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Forty-Two

1. Sunday. Yoga day.

2. Some things feel easier today because of the harder things I’ve been doing each morning. Ease feels good.

3. Fire. Thick socks. Toast and peanut butter. Coffee.

4. More scouting.

5. Surprised by my lack of need for a nap today.

6. It’s not perfect, but it’s the fact that he tried. He made an effort. He is often trying the hardest.

7. Gonna finally break this losing streak in fantasy.

8. Chili and cornbread season.

9. “One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is taken over by temporary defeat.”

10. 8.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Forty-One

1. Still curled up.

2. A break in the rain. Blue sky? Everything is wet, looks electrified.

3. Sometimes thirteen is the same as three.

4. Sweet potato and a cup of decaf in front of the fire.

5. …and 90% how I react to it.

6. I know they’ll eat them if they’re made into a crisp.

7. What will they be doing? Looks like loitering to me.

8. Finally found film. I remember how they got us last time, I don’t want it to happen again.

9. Apple crisp with vanilla bean ice cream, caramel sauce, and some crushed pecans.

10. He says that he can’t believe it’s almost December. Neither can I.