Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Four
Up before the alarm. Thinking of all the things that need to get done.
Another decaf to take off the chill.
The drive there is long, but at least it’s sunny.
Pay attention to the signs.
Two dear out in the field. I always forget how much space there is out here. Maybe this is what will be next.
“So designate a space for your thoughts to whirl and wander. Then implement your more practical plans. Doing so will help you indulge your imagination while staying grounded in reality.” - Chani
I am tired of writing this word, but I’m going to write it anyway.
Feeling very deeply the tension between what is and what I want to be.
It either happens or it doesn’t. And no one will die in the end.
If this were last year, I would just go sit in his office and talk it through. Maybe I’d see a bird in the feeder. Maybe I’d figure it out sooner.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Three
A patch of blue sky through the fog.
Not sure what all of this is for.
I read the text messages and start to think. What do I do now? She says I’m handling it with grace.
In and out of the fog. Winding through the hills.
He says he walked to the In ‘n’ Out to get lunch. That he loved the time alone. It gave him time to clear his head. Best burger he’s had. Order number 7. Fresh fries. That’s my kid.
Once I figure out where I am, I ask to see him, but he’s in a patient-only space, so I go back to the lobby, where someone is playing piano, and try to work while I wait.
Now, to get all the way back home.
So close. So close.
Keep building the connections.
To ice cream or not to ice cream, that is the question.
Losing will never not be hard.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-Two
The rain sounds heavy. Very heavy.
How do I make this a work-from-home kind of day?
We both find our feet in front of the fire, laptops in hand.
But what I really want to do is go back to bed and fall asleep to the sound of the rain.
Doing it.
Fun run and then brownie bites.
For some reason, I feel compelled to buy ice cream and caramel and walnuts. And I probably won’t eat it.
“It’s a fatal error to not go with your gut.”
And then you remember why you do what you’re doing and why you love it.
What do we need to do tomorrow to recreate what we achieved yesterday?
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty-One
Day three.
We sit in the chairs looking out into the little valley below, rain falling steadily from above. I feel much calmer today.
“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?”
Two things: it was Friday the 13th, and we didn’t scream.
He says that he can hear us from the locker room, and that’s a good thing.
We tell him two jokes and he doesn’t laugh. He’s a tough one to crack.
Anything over this is really just the gravy on top. We’re only a third of the way through, so I know that there is more to come.
When you root for the opps just because you dislike the other team so much.
The boys get another 1st place trophy and stay undefeated. This will be a fun season to watch.
Hot honey pepperoni pizza while scouting in the little chair in front of the fireplace. I need one more day to do just only this.
Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixty
One bite at a time.
I know I’ll feel better if I do than if I don’t.
Gratitudes for another day to be in this house while the rain falls heavy. The way the pond ripples from the poke of the rain. The way the leaves surrender to the weight of each drop.
“The best thing you can do is master the chaos in you. You are not thrown into the fire; you are the fire.”
You are the fire.
Feet in front of the fire. Too many emails.
It’s those jeans tucked into the boots and the phony smile.
Where is the disconnect?
He’s right. Gotta change it up. Trust my gut. I know what to do.
Wash it all away with the rain.