Ten.One Hundred & Twenty-Four

1. Why did I schedule a parent/teacher conference for 7:30 in the morning?

2. The sound of the recycling truck always startled me. The thunderous crashes and the flashing lights are too much for this time of day.

3. She assumed that I work outside of the home. I always think it’s interesting when this comes up. I always wonder if teachers assume that only white women stay home. Or is it just that these days, most households do have two working parents? But I’m almost certain that this assumption is also tied to race. 

4.  Ceaseless prayer. This morning, cleaning is my prayer. Dragging the cloth across the mirrors, bending to pick up and scrub, loading and unloading, rocking the broom back and forth—all of it a prayer. 

5. He asks me if we need to move. I chuckle. I don’t need to move. But I am allowed to be sad and to miss things.  

6. I am angry because I am scared. The work of building a community for one’s self requires vulnerability and courage. I am scared of not being able to recreate what I once had. I’m scared because I’m having a hard time holding the possibilities of what my new community could look and feel like. 

7. I think that once you name a thing for what it really is, it’s much easier to shift it.  

8. No one seems to be as into this roasted tomato and garlic pasta as I am. I will remove it from the list.  

9. So many ideas and not enough energy to carry them out. 

10. Tomorrow we’ll try again.