Ten.One Hundred & Ninety-Four

1. Up before the alarm again. 

2. Everyone has eaten and they are back upstairs playing quietly. I can barely keep my head up. I take my coffee upstairs and stick my legs back under the covers. 

3. Maybe it's the weather. The low-hanging gray. It's bright, but the light feels empty, if that makes sense. There is no glow, no warmth. 

4. She texts me to let me know that today's interview needs to be rescheduled. I am beyond happy. I need a day to rest, I think. 

5. I feel guilty resting. 

6. Make a list of gratitudes.

7. Sushi and sake for lunch. The house is a disaster. I try to pretend I don't know this by just keeping the kitchen clean. I just have to keep my head down. I know this is only temporary. 

8. But the fatigue. We determine that it might not be the coffee, but the lack of iron. The weeks of no caffeine were also the weeks of a heavy burger and steak diet. And it could also just be winter. 

9. Her smile.

10. I lean against the shower door, eyes closed, draped in the warmth of the water. Ready for tomorrow.