Ten.Two Hundred & Four

1. I'm the first one at the donut shop. I buy two dozen. One for home and another to pass out to the boys after our game. 

2. Two cappuccinos with a thick layer of foam. I sweeten them with sugar. I don't ever put sugar in my coffee but I want it today. 

3. I sit down on the folding chair and let out a deep sigh. The other coach asks me if I'm ready. I want to tell him that it's not the game. It's so many other things. 

4. Mind divided. 

5. I put my pajama pants back on and lay in bed. We try to make a list to help me ease my nerves. It doesn't really help. I close my eyes instead.

6. The smell of cinnamon sticks, cloves, star anise, and coriander seeds toasting.

7. I start with the easiest thing: removing the stockings. Then I move on to the ornaments, then the lights, lastly the tree. 

8. I think back to the question I posed earlier this morning on Facebook. How comforting it is to know I'm not the only person who's body responds to stress by simply shutting down. Sometimes there is space for me to shut down. But not right now. And so I will take their tips and try to shift. 

9. There are no more epsom salts left. 

10. Still feeling all of the things.