Ten.Three Hundred & Forty-Five

1. I think what it is is that I had worried that a post of mine might have offended my neighbors. That maybe what they read was that they are not my people. What I meant is that I didn't know who here might be my people so please raise your hand if you are. See. I still care too much what they think. 

2. This is also a childhood wound. I carry this story of always being the odd one out, of not belonging, of being misunderstood. This is why I so deeply care about belonging, why I am always trying to find home. 

3. We talk a little bit about my feelings at the island. I acknowledge that it's my own stuff I need to work on. Someone responds in a DM to say that she's learning how to honor her introvert-self while also finding ways to be seen by others. Yes, this.

4. More and more white petals on the baby hydrangea bushes. I need to take a picture to show Aunt Janice. 

5. I sit down to write a newsletter and it feels good to be back. There is a tiny but mighty little community that sits right there. I tell them that they too are essential for living. 

6. Everything is just an experiment anyway but I need better systems. 

7. The great thing about choosing to watch a really bad horror movie is that everyone has to leave you alone. So I drink Lacroix in my underwear and watch "A Cure for Wellness" and this feels like a good way to spend a cloudy afternoon. 

8. I worry that she'll think I'm flaking on her if I cancel on her tomorrow. But really, who wants to go to the pool when it's not even 80 degrees?

9. Philosophical questions that don't have any answers. 

10. One more sip of pinot before I fall asleep.