Ten.Four Hundred & Sixty-One

1. Dream: I’m in the back room and the manager is there with me. She’s upset because I was late for my shift but then starts talking about a medical problem her niece has. I explain to her what the medical condition is. She asks me if I like what I’m doing here—folding clothes and opening fitting rooms—and I say, “no.” “Then why are you here? Get the fuck out of here.” I wake up.

2. But she didn’t say it to be mean. She said it because I clearly was meant to do other things. And if I didn’t want to be there, then I needed to go and do something else.

3. The Napa cabbage is too wilted for me to work with now. It’s limp and has lost its color. I set it aside.

4. It’s just the two of us at the table eating baked potatoes for lunch. He’s brushing his hair. I think of him on the day we brought him home, swaddled up in a blanket. My baby. The first one. Not a baby any more.

5. I am wearing heels and I feel like I should feel taller than him.

6. Okay. I’m ready for the grayness to go away now. It was cute the first couple of days.

7. Queer Eye bonus episode of Nailed It.

8. Just the two of us in the car. I can hear her turning pages. “It’s much smoother in the middle.” This makes me laugh.

9. Pork tacos, a margarita, conversation, and laughter. Silly daughters. This is good medicine.

10. One more stop for a glass of wine and a few laughs. More good medicine. Tomorrow I’ll make a dashi and smudge the house.