Ten.Four Hundred & Eighty-Eight

1. I hear a lot of rustling. They better not be eating candy.

2. The irony of spending hours collecting stuff that I ultimately just want to throw away.

3. Scones. It’s still so dark. I am still thinking of last night and the feelings and reminding myself that I did and am doing the best I can.

4. Weak decaf coffee in a styrofoam cup. White, shiny tile floor. Gray light pouring in through tall windows. It’s a quiet morning in the dealership. It takes way less time to sell a car than it does to buy it. I’m going to miss those gigantic cup holders.

5. Speed clean.

6. The nervous excitement in his voice. Sometimes we dreamers guard our dreams a little too fiercely.

7. I meet with all the teachers. Everyone expresses disappointment and sadness in them leaving. I’m still so new to this school that I can’t really find any of the classrooms. I fill out the paperwork for withdrawal. “Next Wednesday,” I say.

8. Homemade spaghetti sauce, chianti classico, two extra children at the dinner table. I am telling myself to remember that this feels good. That even though I think I can’t handle the energy of extra children, that I can find the joy in feeding them a good meal. That having a table full of laughter is a great thing. And I hope that our table continues to be one where kids feel comfortable being themselves.

9. Resting bitch face probably also doesn’t help very much.

10. It’s our last Thursday.