Ten.Five Hundred & Eighty-Nine

1. But I don’t really want to get up.

2. I start bacon and coffee, boil some eggs, drink water, prepare a nettle and oat straw infusion for the day.

3. The sun is pouring into the kitchen. I remember again that I live in California. That there’s no place to go because I am already here.

4. Too much coffee but it’s so good.

5. I inch myself beneath the blankets and journal. The children aren’t bothering me.

6. “What would happen if I just stopped?” Why is this a question I’m always asking myself. I try to write a newsletter. I want to talk about rest. I want to talk about the oranges. I want to talk about my confusion. But the confusion is so thick that I decide not to say anything at all. And I let that be ok.

7. It’s because I’ve outgrown the old skin and I’ve yet to stitch together a new form. I am amorphous.

8. I think of her grieving.

9. Someone keeps taking nibbles out of the leftover galette.

10. On to beer, sake, and spirits. 41 days.