Ten.Eight Hundred & Twenty-Four

1. Gotta stop drinking coffee so late at night.

2. It’s my favorite part of the day, delivering little envelopes filled with beauty.

3. Two tiny apples and water before coffee. I decide to stay in the cabin and watch the sun rise through the window.

4. My biggest worry is that I’ve looked and felt too distracted this week. That even though I tried really hard to be present that there were moments where I just really wasn’t.

5. It might just be an unhealthy coping mechanism. And it’s exhausting.

6. Or maybe I’m just sad that this is all ending and I really don’t want it to. I text him to tell him that I need the floors swept and vacuumed, that dinner needs to be taken care of, that I need two heads of celery and bags of apples and carrots for juice. Oh, and for there to at least be breakfast for Monday morning already available.

7. I will miss the quiet of this place. I will miss the weird acoustics of the round room, the way whispers seem to travel across the space. I will miss these hills. I will miss their laughter. I will miss feeling seen and heard and held.

8. That name will never not elicit a visceral response even with all the time that’s passed.

9. In the pouch are the brass hoops.

10. But I don’t want to go.