Ten.Eight Hundred & Sixty-Three

1. 4 a.m.

2. The strangest dream. In a church, on Easter, going to the alter, two cats, I could only pick 2 candies.

3. I wonder if I should wake at 4 a.m. every morning just to have the extra moments of quiet.

4. In my efforts to be proactive, I dial in too early and then it kicks me off right before the call is to begin. And so I call back just in time.

5. In talking to her I realize that I am the one that’s been in my way. That actually, maybe I can do both. Just a little bit of both. And that there’s something about really owning what you want. Owning your want is different than acknowledging it. Or feeling guilty about it. I quickly run through all of the times I’ve been right at the edge of what I wanted and then backed away.

6. Before I get out of the car I do a quick search. Ohlone and Chochenyo. I want to remember this.

7. Retrograde? No. I just don’t have the patience for it anymore.

8. I joke that the homicidal impulse is just due to a phas.

9. But preteens really are the worst. And maybe the best. But also the worst.

10. Better dreams tonight?