Ten.Eight Hundred & Sixty-Five

1. 2:36am

2. I try to close my eyes but all I can hear is the quiet and oddly enough it doesn’t feel that comforting.

3. 3:48.

4. I get up and get ready as quietly as I can. I let it be okay. Instead of getting more angry about not sleeping, I probably ought to just get up and get ready. At least there will be time to journal before work.

5. I warm up the last two pieces of leftover fried chicken and splash them with the hot sauce from Attraversiamo. Sweet, salty, spicy.

6. Push the shoulders down.

7. I keep checking my phone to see if they have emailed me back yet. Why is no one responding? Why no acknowledgement of communication?

8. The thing is that I like to work smarter and not harder. But the fact that there is no person here who has any kind of real insight on the process means that I’m working to figure it out on my own. I finally decide to just do it however I think is best. I empower myself.

9. Push the shoulders down.

10. I tell him that I figured that because I don’t have anything positive to say, I should just stick myself in the bath. But one positive thing is that I really love that I have this book that my friend wrote that I look forward to returning to every night. That I’m so proud of her. And then he tells me that it should mean that I know I can do the same thing.

11. I make a diagram in my head. I envision myself, at this meeting that we should be having, walking up to the whiteboard to draw out this diagram: Physical, emotional, mental, social. How are we going to work as a team to support him in these areas?

12. I turn to my side. I remember that I’ve been up since 2:30am. I’m allowed to fall asleep at 8.