Ten.Eight Hundred & Ninety-One

1. The quiet dark.

2. I twist the rings until they settle into the just-right spot on my fingers, their weight familiar and comforting.

3. Lately I don’t have my first cup until I’m already in the car. I miss the slower mornings when it could be something I cherish. Waking earlier hasn’t necessarily given me more time to luxuriate; I’m too focused on making sure everyone has marked their morning checklist.

4. Thirsty.

5. Of course my decision to take Camino Diablo yields a less desirable result today. I just didn’t feel like sitting on Vasco. But now I’m sitting on J4. At least the scenery is a little different.

6. 13 minutes. 24 minutes. 36 minutes. I finally hear a human voice at 42 minutes. Just the time of year, I suppose.

7. Cheeseburger with the 1883 patty, cheddar, tomato, lettuce, onion. French fries. Lemonade. Even on a cloudy day the view is outstanding.

8. This is not the person to turn to.

9. I don’t have a clear “yes” but I definitely feel a clear “no".

10. “It was just a spontaneous dinner that happened to work out just right because I happened to already be preparing enough food. You know, kind of like what we sometimes did with the Messiers?” I feel a wave of melancholy as I gather the dirty forks and spoons from the dishes.

11. I pull my knees up and lean over to rest upon them while he talks to me. I can already feel the sweat forming at my temples and the base of my neck. I tell him that I am to gain this knowledge for what exactly. What, actually, is the point. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.