Ten.Nine Hundred & Thirty-Seven

1. Must get up.

2. I promise myself to go to bed early tonight. I don’t want to get sick before the symposium.

3. Big batch of nettle tea to get me through the morning.

4. My feelings about it still haven’t changed. Nothing has changed.

5. Early because I know there are things I want to do and because i know I need to be home early enough to get the kid to his game on time.

6. I miss writing in community. I miss my community. I miss having time to engage with folks I’m actually curious about and in relationship with.

7. So tired I can’t even think. Eyes barely open. I don’t think there’s enough coffee for this kind of fatigue.

8. Maybe it’s not as efficient as I had hoped it would be. They can go back to the old way once I’m no longer in charge of this. But how long will that be? Maybe that’s up to me.

9. Another loss. I guess I’m getting used to it.

10. I ask him to stop asking me those kinds of questions because my brain hurts. “What would your by-the-glass cost be?" $25?” “That sounds too high. Are people even buying by-the-glass at that cost for a brand they’ve never heard of and that has no provenance?” “That means we’d need to be making something close to ultra-luxury. But no more questions. I can’t talk about this now.” Too many dreams in the head. No clarity on which one to follow.