Ten.Nine Hundred & Sixty-One

1. 2:38am.

2. I can feel my heart beating in my throat.

3. 5:40. Heart still in throat. I laugh at how I’ve developed these physical manifestations of anxiety over these past few years. I am really understanding the mind and body connection through this experience.

4. Yes. Women do need to have more conversations about money and power. Let’s talk about the pay gap. Let’s figure out what it means to do the work of ensuring we have equal pay.

5. I see what he was saying now. I should tell him that he was right. I still think I was right too. I can be both right and wrong. Right in my anger, wrong in my approach.

6. So what is the best way to use whatever power and privilege I do have? This is not the best way. I can write. I can organize. I can be on panels.

7. The cow is awfully close to the wire, so close to the road.

8. I tell her that I’m grieving. I’m grieving the idea of a life that I envisioned for myself here in this place.

9. I walk and listen. No tears.

10. You can be both sad and happy, happy and sad.

11. I’m glad I came. I almost cry telling her what I told someone else this morning; I thought I’d be here longer. It’s just cosmic timing. But I thought I’d be here longer. But I’m doing what I came to California to do. it just won’t be here.

12. These two conversations are exactly what I needed to shift my spirit. Deep sigh.

13. My hand hurts from writing.