Ten.One Thousand & Twenty-Seven

1. Pre-dawn’s pale blue light. Shadows.

2. I make a mental list of what is to get done today. What do I need to set myself up for the week ahead? What do I want to do? What is it that I don’t want to do?

3. I tell him that no, I didn’t have it before though. I never experienced it in the same way I do now.

4. The resistance is really just fear and so I remind myself that the opportunity wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t already prepared for it. There is no reason for me to be afraid. And, didn’t I say that this is what I wanted?

5. Invisible weights lifted.

6. So quiet. I think of the last time I left the house. A week? We all lose track of the days, remind one another at mealtimes even though there’s a calendar on the wall. Time has no meaning. Time has always been a construct.

7. She makes me laugh. She also gives me just the right amount of advice. I had been googling the wrong words and that is why I couldn’t find my answer. But really, everyone needs someone who is willing to push you.

8. I tell her that she’s the second person today to ask me about my book. Message received.

9. I put the book down. It’s making my anxiety go up.

10. Just grateful.