Ten.One Thousand & Eighty-Eight

1. I know I’m awake, but I don’t want to get up.

2. Weight.

3. Waiting.

4. Double-check to make sure everything is how it’s supposed to be.

5. Think outside of the box. Know what you can and can’t control.

6. I just don’t feel it, though.

7. When you’re halfway through stuffing the blanket inside of the duvet cover and then realize that the duvet cover is inside out, but you’ve already come too far to start all over again.

8. I can see it on his face. I begin to wonder if this was the right choice. If we hadn’t moved, he’d still have his job. Or, if we hadn’t moved and he had lost his job, at least our network would have been stronger, and maybe we could have figured it out. At least I’d have someone to talk to about all of this. No. This is where we belong. It hasn’t even been two years yet. Good things take time.

9. Guns N’ Roses, “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Suddenly I’m back at Wake Forest in the dimly lit DKE house, or the Sigma Pi lounge, or the Sigma Chi lounge. Gray New Balance and denim skirts and Dave Matthew’s Band in her late 90s Lexus SUV. Driving alone with tears in my eyes up and down Silas Creek Parkway. Leaving.

10. We’ll just start again tomorrow. We can do hard things.