Ten.One Thousand, Three Hundred & Thirty

1. I can’t remember the details, I just remember that it was weird.

2. I focus on the sunlight coming in through the window.

3. She came with palo santo and a crystal. She has us hug ourselves and I am worried that I will start to cry. I remind myself that it would be totally normal if I did.

4. “Emotionally drained,” I say.

5. The gap feels so wide sometimes.

6. I watch the tops of the trees sway. I think about the bay laurel out back. I think about the olive tree - I think it is a volunteer.

7. The hole keeps getting bigger.

8. Haus Citrus Flower with Fever Tree Tonic Water over ice.

9. The sound of the breeze in the trees. It is its own kind of music.

10. Not even a trickle.

11. I fill the tea kettle and warm the water. I manage to wet a cloth and wash my face, dribble the warmed liquid into my hand to rinse the toothpaste out of my mouth.