Ten.One Thousand, Five Hundred & Fifty-Three

1. Always starts as soon as I wake.

2. First, make the coffee.

3. Jeans are still in the dryer so I put on shorts. I find my slippers. I had forgotten how cold the slate tiles get in the winter. I’m ready for winter.

4. Sending the universe mixed signals.

5. We ride silently and listen to the most recent episode of the podcast. Another one about aliens.

6. I don’t need to know what I’m doing.

7. Oh, boy. So much time has passed and so little has been done. I hate when I feel like I’m leaving them right when they need the most help.

8. Crumbs everywhere. Streaks on the countertop. Things on surfaces. Bathrooms not being clean. I tell him that I don’t want to tell him every little thing because then it will feel like too much. It is too much. “I’m just not used to not being able to keep my house the way I want. That is all.”

9. I stare out the window and let the cool air rush against my face. I like to ride along for these little trips in and out of town. “I just need the fresh air.” It’s thinking time. It’s time away from the things that need doing. It’s time for noticing things I’ve never noticed before. I sit in the car and watch the color of the sky change while we wait.

10. “I never say I’m the best because that would imply that I’ve been engaging in competition. I am the most me at all times.” - Kelis