Ten.One Thousand, Five Hundred & Fifty-Six

1. When sleeping in is waking up at 6am.

2. I lay there in the dark and listen to him open and close cabinets and drawers, turn on the water for this shower.

3. Best to just get it done.

4. I tell him that this is the first Saturday in a long time that I had nothing to do. “Congratulations. Good for you for not scheduling a meeting or a photoshoot or a call. Good for you for saying ‘no’.”

5. Snickers.

6. I put together the details in my head. Start to tally up the numbers. I suppose I should talk to her about it first.

7. The squawk of the scrub jays. The rapid thuds of the woodpeckers. Airconditioners running. The echo of cars speeding down Silverado Trail. The clanking of metal.

8. It is a perfect night for a football game.

9. This is not how this should have ended.

10. I tell him that I’m trying to understand that that is their culture. They have a culture there that is different from ours. And that I don’t have to like it, but I’m trying to understand it. But in no way ever would I want to raise a child that took pleasure in someone else’s pain. How can there be any pride in that?