Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Thirty-Nine
3:38 a.m. In the dream, we have gotten a letter about him and now we have to have a difficult conversation.
This should not be enough of a nightmare to wake me, but I am awake. Artificial noise pumps through the room. A small slice of light from the night light in the hallway catches my eye.
He’s resistant, but I get him to come down anyway.
Another grocery run with no list—Russian roulette.
I buy a rice krispie treat and begin to eat it immediately.
I decide to ride with him to take him to baseball practice. I stare at the river, the blue sky, and the bright green cover crops. Why am I riding in the car like this? Maybe I am like a dog. I just like the sensation of going somewhere.
Dates, tahini, sea salt.
I tell him that I’m nervous about this one. Way more than the last few years.
Well, not it’s really over.
But this blanket.
