Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Twenty-Five

1. Cool. Cold. Comfortable.

2. I brush my teeth and work and rework sentences in my head.

3. Sometimes I forget that I just shouldn’t say anything.

4. Winter whites. A mug without a lid while doing drop-offs.

5. I hear my voice shaking, feel my body shaking. I know that I am not yelling because I am not a yeller, but I know it’s clear that I’ve lost my cool. They don’t care. That’s really all it is. They don’t care.

6. Feeling sick to my stomach. I try to spiral back up instead of down.

7. I don’t say anything. I just head straight to my room, change my clothes, grab my earbuds, and leave.

8. I walk over in my slippers to give her the update.

9. 153/100.

10. I am comfortable and safe and fed and warm, and there is really nothing to be afraid of. Anything that feels too large to hold can be addressed.