Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Eighty

1. Friday.

2. He says he wants to try eating five eggs tomorrow instead of four.

3. Really gotta get a heater under this desk.

4. If only everyone had asked more questions in the beginning.

5. Omissions.

6. I keep walking around the house, going in circles, forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing and where I keep leaving my coffee.

7. Always worrying about forgetting something, someone.

8. Maybe we can just stop her.

9. A little bit of fire.

10. We all did the best we could do and that’s all that matters.

Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Nine

1. So cold.

2. “In seeking answers and advice from others, you have placed your own feelings and knowing aside… only through being your own advisor can you attain your true goals… To achieve happiness, you must know yourself. To know yourself is to know your body, your mind, and your spirit. Use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses, and know that both are necessary in your evolution… Dream your dreams and own them.”

3. Another quiet morning in the office. Lights off. Light falling softly on the desk.

4. If only we had been a part of the original conversation.

5. More rain.

6. I feel like they can all tell.

7. I will never live down my parking job at the Chick-fil-A. Now, apparently, I can’t park anywhere.

8. I can’t find my words because they are obscured by my feelings. Just need to get through today.

9. I think they think I should be more excited than I appear to be. He tells me that’s got to be the most points they’ve scored in 35 years.

10. I know myself.

Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Eight

1. The tree is still bare.

2. Not seeing what I want to see.

3. Of course she would send it to me. I almost laugh at her while I’m still on camera.

4. But she’s right; if we didn't have one another, what kind of life would this be?

5. It’s never a good visit when they are this kind of late.

6. I think he will have something useful to say.

7. Did I really leave my phone in the gym? That’s locked? For which I don’t have my keys? That kind of season.

8. Mirroring. Maybe they were mirroring.

9. I’m learning, too. I’m learning, too.

10. In-season insomnia.

Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Seven

1. What day is it?

2. First one in to enjoy the quiet. Get water, settle in, stare out the window at the morning sky.

3. What are the priorities?

4. I ask him to talk me through the things in the text message because there is no time to read. That is a good statistic. But we need to score more.

5. Oh no, it’s him.

6. As he drives, I watch him fumble around digging for tiny bits of triangle chips to dip into a jar of yellow-orange queso dip.

7. Trivia to wake everyone up. I think it might have worked.

8. I sit back in my chair and eat my salad. I really hate this place.

9. Healthy and whole, we would have won.

10. She’s the last one waiting. I tell her that these other teams don’t even realize that they are playing against mostly freshmen and sophomores. That they are doing a good job hanging in there with all of the other upperclassmen. She says that that means when they are juniors and seniors, they are going to be amazing. They are. “You’re going to beat everyone.”

Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Six

1. So. Tired.

2. Everyone is very tired.

3. Mind is spinning - spiraling. For several minutes, everything feels wrong and not right and scary and hopeless. I make myself some tea and begin to list gratitudes. I think about practice this afternoon and feel the relief of knowing that there will be laughter there.

4. Not enough tea in the world to keep me warm by this window.

5. Grown-up lunchable and more tea to try to warm myself up.

6. I’m still a little bit disorganized.

7. I need a week of working from home. Maybe that will help.

8. Mango.

9. It’s an experiment; I think it will be a good one.

10. Sometimes, you just want to do something familiar like boil water and slice the garlic bread. Sometimes, you need those simple and familiar things to make everything better.