Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Ninety-Five
The feeling is the same.
What I really want is a seat in front of the fire, more time. Slow time.
First in. They are painting his old office; it is a reminder that our departure is forthcoming. I will enjoy it while it lasts.
They are still cutting tile, but at least today’s choice of music is Top 40. Wait, is it still called Top 40 if the songs are 30 years old? Is this now the oldies?
He says to me that the behavior is actually disrespectful. I tell him that I agree. I am trying to understand what it is, how to fix it, if I even can fix it.
I don’t have a good feeling about today.
Effort. Focus. Power.
“Oh, it’s because you’re missing your best player,” they say. No, no. That is not it.
I tell him that I needed tomorrow away so that I could come back as the person I want and like to be. I know that I can’t be that tomorrow.
Reflection is important but pointless without a change in behavior.
Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Ninety-Four
In the dream, I am trying to tell them they should add flowers to her hair.
Today is the day.
The fog. First, a whisp and then a thick
Bright, bright sun. I lean against the wall while waiting for the car to pull around.
Protein style with secret sauce and ketchup and mustard.
Everything is almost ready. Almost.
“When you decide to learn about your faults, so that they can be rectified, you open a line of communication with the source of all revelatory thought. Maybe that’s the same thing as consulting your conscience. Maybe that’s the same thing, in some manner, as a discussion with God.” - 12 Rules for Life
Sometimes, the camera can’t capture what the eye sees.
Fire.
Trying to rally. Only a few more hours to go.
Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Ninety-Three
Not ready for Friday. When have I ever not been ready for a Friday?
I’ll wear it even though it’s slightly off-center.
Stomach doesn’t want the coffee today.
He keeps telling me that the problem is that he has really muscular calves. I tell him that this is why women hate shopping: you can spend so much time trying on all of the things, and sometimes, it’s just not going to work out for you. It just might not happen today.
Slowly.
He apologizes for having the music so loud. He was trying to hear it while moving the wood. Sometimes, he surprises me.
More Patrick Mahomes-y.
We all agree that the fact that he is going to be 16 years old in a week is weird. Just weird.
“That’s why you don’t play defense with your face.”
Tomorrow!
Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Ninety-Two
Almost time.
Aren’t we all learning and growing?
Instant oatmeal and French press coffee before dashing out the door.
Where does your power come from?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if I relax?
“You are by no means only what you already know. You are also all that which you could know, if you only would. Thus, you should never sacrifice what you could be for what you are. You should never give up the better that resides within for the security you already have—and certainly not when you have already caught a glimpse, an undeniable glimpse, of something beyond.” - 12 Rules for Life
Searching for answers.
It’s the little mistakes that get me.
There is time tomorrow.
Two days.
Ten.Two Thousand, One Hundred & Ninety-One
Party day. Meeting day. Game day.
Banana bread from the box.
The op-ed is out.
Everything always happens at once.
Actually. I really do like this and I’m glad we made it work today. Should make it work every year because laughter and togetherness and memory-making.
These windy roads.
Winnable.
Almost there. Almost there. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. It’s right there.
I want to eat this salad but I have no appetite.
A long, long, long ride home.