Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Twenty-Eight

1. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

2. Before I roll out of bed, I try to make a very long list of gratitudes.

3. I shuffle around in the dark. The light is taking a little longer to poke through. The wifi isn’t working. Neither is the cellular service.

4. Ah. Here comes the rain. She doesn’t seem to care about her hair getting wet. My insides are screaming.

5. He asks me for my “why.”

6. Still nothing.

7. Too much.

8. I try to do as much as I can while I have the signal and immediately regret it.

9. He’s trying to get more female coaches, he says.

10. I wish today was my Friday, too.

Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Twenty-Seven

1. Tuesday.

2. Sunnier than I thought it would be. This gives me joy. A little bit of peace.

3. Second breakfast: a bowl of grapefruit and slices of avocado drizzled with olive oil and flaky salt. Decaf coffee and a pressed juice.

4. No. It’s not for me.

5. Packed.

6. I need to do some more research.

7. Over-promising and under-delivering.

8. Control what you can control.

9. Sometimes, when he moves, it's like he is moving in slow motion. It's not slow. It's grace.

10. We’ll do it, too, one of these days.

Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Twenty-Six

1. Up before the alarm. A good trend.

2. Day four.

3. I light a fire in the dark, in the silence.

4. This situation suits me best.

5. I see her text. I guess I don’t need to hesitate to pick up the phone anymore. We can keep that part of the routine.

6. Am I in the post-season depression stage of the year?

7. Why am I even on this call?

8. I should say “no,” but I’m going to talk with him about it anyway. Because besides feeling like I don’t have enough time, I feel unqualified, and I should question that feeling.

9. The chicken has no flavor.

10. Just take a shower.

Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Twenty-Five

1. 5 a.m.

2. Two days. I think that’s why I’m sleeping better.

3. The morning light. The cobwebs in the corner. The windows need to be cleaned.

4. Everything is tight, but the stretch still feels good.

5. I hate being late.

6. This is not something you ever see in a place like this.

7. Trying to slow down the passage of time.

8. Pre-work for a not-real class, but it’s good prep for what’s to come.

9. I worry that I might be too tired to do it, to do anything.

10. “We never stopped believing.”

Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Twenty-Four

1. Slow Saturday. Sunshiny Saturday.

2. Everything is clear and bright, just as it should be after the rain.

3. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow. No energy for navigating that crowd.

4. Maybe you’ll brush your teeth now?

5. I think it was still cheaper than her gift card idea.

6. I slowly scan the shelves, see a copy of The Coasts of California, and grab it. It’s still wrapped in a kraft brown sleeve as if it’s never been read. The librarian says they’ve gotten a lot of donations recently - really nice ones.

7. He says something about me being in a good mood. Consecutive days of sunshine, I say. Not going into the office yesterday, I say. A clean home, I say.

8. They set records.

9. Gringo tacos.

10. He comes into the bathroom to tell me that the Firewood Fairy stopped by.