Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Forty-Four
A little bit of light on a wet morning.
Where is that phone?
A clump of daffodils in a grassy sea of green.
Smoothie truck for employee appreciation day. Even on a rainy day, everyone wants a cold drink. Hawaain Sunrise.
Going rogue.
I can’t help but feel a little envious.
I have to just keep trusting the divine timing of my life.
Anywhere but here.
A fresh pillowcase and the way it smells and feels against your cheek.
I feel on the inside the way it sounds on the outside: heavy and wild.
Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Forty-Three
The rain is back.
At least that is off the list for now.
Still can’t find my work phone.
Grosses Gewächs.
I sit and listen, don’t offer up much of anything. But as I write my notes, I start to daydream about other things. Maybe it’s not so much daydreaming as it is remembering. Remembering all of what I used to know, trying to see what knowledge I can recall from those stacks of flash cards and books.
I open up a window and listen to the rain slap against the trees.
We stare down at the clean plates. This is a good time. This almost never happens.
Stiff knee. Is it from standing all day? Is it from the rain? Is it from my lack of daily exercise now that the season is over? Probably a little bit of all three.
“Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities. Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being. As the great nineteenth-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche so brilliantly noted, “He whose life has a why can bear almost any how.” - 12 Rules for Life
Good and done.
Ten.One Thousand, Two hundred & Forty-Two
Rough night of sleep. I should do something different.
Almost the end of the month. Almost the end of the week. Both have felt way longer than they should have.
Back on that daily morning call routine.
Breaking dress code.
We finally have a date for surgery. One step closer.
Sometimes, all you can do is shake your head.
“Articulating our values as verbs…” - Start with Why
I’m finally understanind what he meant by letting go.
Sensory overload.
Filter the noise.
Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Forty
Before the alarm.
Monday wardrobe.
The subtext of a text.
Womb. “The process of creation and healing are two sides of the same coin. To create, one must imagine something that has never been. To heal, one must be willing to embrace a new way of being.”
She offers me tea. I tell her I will take coffee. It wasn’t enough time, but some is better than none.
They tell me that they can’t bring themselves to watch it.
Patience is a virtue.
Maybe the problem with education is you have people in education who think so little of the children.
I know who to talk to about this.
Tacos under the glow of the baseball field’s lights. Toes getting cold. Hands getting cold.
I could be wrong. But I could also be completely right. But I’ve wrangled with dragons before. And won.
Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Thirty-Nine
3:38 a.m. In the dream, we have gotten a letter about him and now we have to have a difficult conversation.
This should not be enough of a nightmare to wake me, but I am awake. Artificial noise pumps through the room. A small slice of light from the night light in the hallway catches my eye.
He’s resistant, but I get him to come down anyway.
Another grocery run with no list—Russian roulette.
I buy a rice krispie treat and begin to eat it immediately.
I decide to ride with him to take him to baseball practice. I stare at the river, the blue sky, and the bright green cover crops. Why am I riding in the car like this? Maybe I am like a dog. I just like the sensation of going somewhere.
Dates, tahini, sea salt.
I tell him that I’m nervous about this one. Way more than the last few years.
Well, not it’s really over.
But this blanket.