Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty
Now it’s finally Thursday.
Thin strips of fog sitting in
In the dream, I tell him that we’ve ordered the books and that everything will be okay.
All that sun.
She says something about playing a game. Pretend you have superpowers, and everything you want magically appears. Write whatever desire pops into your mind. Write what you want in response to anything that comes up.
I will make the best of it.
“One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat.” - Napolean Hill
Greenhouse.
Another clump of daffodils randomly
Maybe next year I can get them to embrace the back peddle.
Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Forty-Nine
Don’t forget to meditate.
But there are some things about this space that I like: all the windows and the natural light.
He says that I can’t do it because I did end up getting what I want.
The sun is coming out.
None of these people know what they are doing.
I have to take myself off camera.
The only word I can think of for what I am feeling and being is “ornery.”
I really wish it was Thursday and not Wednesday.
With the darkness comes the cold.
What he needs is a cleanse. Just try to wipe it all out.
Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Forty-Eight
A Tuesday that feels like a Wednesday.
It wasn’t supposed to rain today.
I could read this and not listen, or I could trust the words I’m reading and make a better choice.
Forgiveness. Forgiveness and gratitude.
Soft winter light. Rainy day light. Quiet. Everything feels like it is moving in slow motion. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
What does the truth sound like?
I tell them that I knew exactly what would be said and that I have already prepared to make the decision that works best for me. But it’s silly the things people do and say out of their ego’s need to feel in control.
Why do they always like to call my bluff?
Patience.
“Practice listening to your intuition, your inner voice; ask questions; be curious; see what you see; hear what you hear; and then act upon what you know to be true. These intuitive powers were given to your soul at birth.” - Women Who Run With the Wolves
Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Forty-Seven
2:00 a.m.
Cleaning the kitchen while waiting for the oven to preheat. I hear only myself and the
Avocado.
The braver choice is to be vulnerable.
Knocking them off the list, one by one.
But also, I just miss them.
A brisk walk before lunch. Another chapter of the book plays through my ears. I try not to slip on the wet rocks.
She asks me if I know what two things that cause high blood pressure. “Caffeine and stress!” I say. She laughs. “That’s true. I was thinking of some other things.”
He’s home from baseball already. Sick. 101 fever. I guess we shouldn’t have made him go to school. “He has the weakest immune system,” observes the youngest. I wonder if he’s one of the long haulers. Or maybe it’s just a lack of sleep.
Sore back. I blame the hills.
Ten.One Thousand, Two Hundred & Forty-Six
Do I, or don’t I?
Bright morning light after a long soak and everything its own version of neon. I keep stopping to take pictures.
Cold hands.
The rain is so gentle it’s almost imperceptible. I catch glimmers of raindrops as I come around the curve. I hedge my bets and keep on walking.
A little bit of coffee. A smoothie. I’d add chia seeds, but I know they don’t like them.
What are ways in which you can demonstrate your trustworthiness and maturity?
Power 1000.
I just wish I lived closer, that’s all.
She says we can move once they’re all in college. She talks about needing to go to college on the coast; she must be by the water. And she hates winter. We list other alternatives. She’s not interested.
Moments like these.