Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Seventeen

1. Better late than never.

2. Daydreaming about morning fires.

3. He gets it. Maybe more than the others, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.

4. I decide on “Last August” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. She says she’s curious about this one. “It feels achievable,” I say.

5. She said she was hoping I would get more cookbooks. Did I make anything out of the ones I just had?

6. Sun.

7. A little bit of peace.

8. Tired. So tired.

9. What is nature, and what is nurture? Is it too late to nurture out some of the nature?

10. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Sixteen

1. “Last round, best round.” I hear her voice in my sleep.

2. Maybe it’s cool enough for me not to sweat.

3. The sun through the fog is blindly bright but it casts a holy glow over everything.

4. I knew I should have just stayed home.

5. Leftover Italian wedding soup for lunch. Quiet except for the sound of my fingernails on the keyboard.

6. Driveway littered with browning oak leaves.

7. Friday night football on a Thursday. Everything feels just a little weird.

8. Supermoon hanging in the sky.

9. The wind is picking up. The power is already off in the towns just up the hill. We shouldn’t be affected, but we’re so close, you never know.

10. Still up.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Fifteen

1. In the dream, she has a giant parmesan wheel, and she cuts me a wedge.

2. Still very dark.

3. An explosion of orange out of nowhere. And I feel drops of rain. These two things don’t seem like they should go together.

4. This chair. This cup with hot decaf. This gray and moody sky. This quiet.

5. Where did all the time go?

6. So much moving around of words. How else can we say the same thing over and over and over again?

7. “The audacity of self-belief.”

8. I tell them they need to go to bed now. “It’s only 8:30!” they say. Oh, so it is.

9. These knees.

10. Big, big moon.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Fourteen

1. I hear him moving around, but it’s so dark. And I know it’s not quite time for me to get up yet. It feels too early.

2. 3:44 a.m. If I don’t think about how I won’t fall asleep, I will fall asleep.

3. Making time for two meditations.

4. The perfect foggy October morning. Spooky season. I start to make a list of all the scary movies I want to watch.

5. The irony of the follow.

6. Pineapple does make my tongue hurt.

7. And with that, I think it’s time to pack up and head home.

8. A more comfortable evening in the gym.

9. It’s best to deal with the decision-makers first.

10. Two pot pies are not enough.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Thirteen

1. It feels extra dark this morning, but he’s already awake so I don’t have to be as quiet.

2. The fog is so thick you can scoop it with your hands. I look for the trees with the changing leaves-oaks, mostly.

3. Something for nothing.

4. It sounds like something is erupting. Not the washing machine. Not the dishwasher. I see the water coming from underneath the kitchen sink. I run to the back door and yell for him to come back.

5. The last bit of tomato soup.

6. Always water with us.

7. Twenty-one days.

8. So much happier when I’m home.

9. Chicken pot-pie.

10. Foundations.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Twelve

1. I’ll sleep in today. I’ll let my body rest today.

2. Humid.

3. But there’s always more laundry.

4. Email reconciliation and personal admin with a cup of decaf in the soft morning light.

5. Leftover tomato soup and the last hour of The Birds. Finding it funny how many times they say “Santa Rosa” and how many times I’ve seen this movie I had no idea it was a real place.

6. I watch the leaves dancing along the pavement. They are slightly damp and glittering.

7. Resting my eyes.

8. Almost over this phase.

9. She asks them if they will come to the camera and say hello. I laugh.

10. She says we’re getting a taste of what being an empty nester will feel like. I don’t hate it. But it is weird.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Eleven

1. Refreshed.

2. He always asks me if I want water. I always say no. Just too much to hold in my hands while traversing the trail.

3. I can’t find the trail. I can’t see the water towers. I must have missed a turn somewhere. I decide just to go back the way I came.

4. Turkey tail feather.

5. Finally, a cool fall morning for flag football. It’s almost time to start lighting the fireplace.

6. Rosé and Ceasar salad, and polenta bites, and half a chocolate chip macadamia cookie while the skies open up for a light shower.

7. The Birds. She is wearing a fur over a shift dress and paddling in the water; the fashion in these old movies.

8. Tomato soup and grilled cheese kind of night.

9. Breathing room.

10. “Turkey feathers have played a significant role in Native American culture for centuries. They are considered to be powerful symbols of good luck, protection, and strength.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Ten

1. It finally feels like a fall.

2. Finally. Friday.

3. Last test done. Six more hours done. I decide to count how much I complete instead of counting how many more hours are left. The amount of time it takes doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I’m doing it.

4. Cold potato and leek soup, shrimp risotto, poached nectarines with cream and ginger crumble—I should learn how to make ginger crumble.

5. I sit and stare through the trees on the street below. It feels peaceful right here, right now.

6. It’s only a 45-minute drive. What a relief.

7. I do love the silhouette of mountains in the distance.

8. The first Friday night football game that feels like football season. There is just enough chill in the air, but it’s not too cold and not too damp. The smell of burgers and hotdogs and tri-tip.

9. Can’t watch this field goal attempt.

10. 9-7 win. And done well before midnight this week. Early to bed.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Nine

1. Starting out way ahead.

2. The chill in the air. Crunchy leaves underfoot.

3. An open ear means you become a holder of many secrets.

4. Wait. I learned how to have these kinds of conversations.

5. I can just take a walk.

6. Peppercorn trees and vines emptied of their fruit, and the blue sky streaked with clouds and purple plums on a tree and the house that only had white cars.

7. Tension.

8. Just one more test. Just one more.

9. Give what you can when you can.

10. Who knows if they’re actually listening.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Eight

1. Finally, a cool, foggy morning.

2. Delight in the foam on my decaf.

3. Work-from-home Wednesday is my favorite reset of the week.

4. They say all is good. In this instance, to not pay attention to the news.

5. I think if I do just these three things, it will make all the difference.

6. Semantics.

7. It's not exactly the news I wanted to hear, but it's also not unexpected. At this point, only time will tell.

8. Burrata and cherry tomatoes over a pistachio pesto. Ribeye, mushroom medley, and creamed spinach with a Cabernet jus. Panna Cotta with candied marcona almonds, ginger crumble, and Dolce-poached pears. Clean plate club.

9. 92.04%. Sigh of relief.

10. Don’t give your power away.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Six

1. But if I didn’t do it, I would regret it.

2. Spiraling. Centering. Calming. Observing. Forgiving.

3. Not forgetting.

4. I pack a few decaf pods for the office.

5. Trouble focusing. Conflicting needs and wants. Other, more pressing and more interesting matters.

6. Of course, none of the six tear this time. But two out of ten is still bad when where are 1,000.

7. Reassurances that they will be okay.

8. At last night’s dinner, we talked about food and the things we love to cook and how the thing I miss most in this current stage of life is cooking really good meals. I am so out of practice that nothing tastes as good as it used to.

9. But I’m so close to an A that I should go for it. If I can find the energy.

10. Acceptance of fact, of feeling.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Five

1. Must get up.

2. I almost forget about the English muffins. Luckily, it is a Monday. Luckily, the line is short.

3. It's already so hot.

4. Of course.

5. A lot of homework in very few days.

6. I know what a comment like that means, but I have to ignore it for now.

7. Not enough time.

8. “You create a good future by creating a good present.” - Eckhart Tolle

9. Just not enough room for the key lime pie.

10. Something different.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Four

1. Could really use another six hours.

2. Perfect foam on the decaf brings such delight.

3. Squeezing in a little bit of time to talk about life. Much needed. Sometimes you forget how nice it is to have someone who knows the you from before.

4. Only one more week. Just one more week.

5. “How are you doing everything you’re doing?”

6. Transformative vs. Transactional.

7. I just need a nap.

8. A screen full of women spending one hour talking about basketball, problem-solving basketball, laughing about basketball.

9. That mask.

10. Ready for it not to be 100 degrees.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Three

1. Not nearly enough sleep.

2. If there is a lunch, I bet it will be sandwiches. I find crackers, hummus, apples, and cheese sticks and stick them in my bag just in case.

3. He tells me I’m going to love Sue Phillips. I say to him that the only reason I’m coming is because of Sue Phillips.

4. “A competitor should be disciplined, purposeful, strategic, communicative, collaborative.”

5. “You are what you choose to ignore.”

6. “Great players want to be told the truth.”

7. Sandwiches.

8. Three hours of sleep + lunch + hot gym = falling asleep while sitting up in the bleachers.

9. Last-minute salad with green goddess dressing. If I’d had more time, I would have done a little bit more.

10. Another late night, but worth it.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & Two

1. Still so hot for this early in the morning.

2. Hot summer morning light.

3. Maybe a few months ago this would have freaked me out. But not today. Perhaps it’s the meditation.

4. Green grapes.

5. It’s hot, yes. But I just needed the fresh air. In the shade, this warm breeze feels good.

6. I could make a stink about it, but that wouldn’t do anyone any good.

7. The car reads 123 degrees.

8. Why is there water in the console? In the cupholder is a can of sparkling water with no top.

9. Three thrilling sets.

10. Honest conversations. That is how we move forward.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred & One

1. Consistency.

2. But how?

3. Squeeze. Squeezed? Squoze?

4. Sometimes, it’s okay to take the easy path.

5. Burning thighs.

6. Can we think of a more creative way to get what we need done?

7. Only one. Only one?

8. I think this is going to work out just fine. Maybe better than fine?

9. What’s different about today?

10. “These meetings,” I write. I should have packed my dinner like he suggested.

Ten.Two Thousand, Three Hundred

1. The first day of October. If only it felt like it.

2. I’m up, but I don’t feel like driving him to 6 a.m. practice, so he will just have to drive himself.

3. Not enough time to get that one last cup of $5 decaf.

4. “Fear is excitement without the breath.”

5. Gratitude for every little thing. Every little thing.

6. That’s a good idea: use one of the Julies.

7. Tight quads. Foam roll.

8. They are cute. It still is weird. Next time, I’ll make dinner.

9. Whatever is making me bloat needs to stop.

10. “Not to decide is to decide.” - Harvey Cox

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Ninety-Nine

1. I still check under the sofa for snakes before I get on the mat.

2. It will be hot today. It is already hot.

3. Really need to buy those decaf pods.

4. Tight knees = tight quads. More stretching.

5. Messages that need to be returned but there is not enough alone time in the day.

6. I need to call her tomorrow morning. It’s been too long.

7. She sends pictures of them from ten years ago. Their faces and hands are so small. They are the same but different. It used to feel so hard back then, but it might be harder now.

8. We watch him cut a bit of meat off the pork chop and then burst into laughter at the same time. Note to self: no more bone-in porkchops.

9. They are funnier than I am, that’s for sure.

10. A dream that repeats itself is no longer a dream but a demand.

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Ninety-Eight

1. Slow Sunday.

2. Enjoying the coolness of the morning before the head returns.

3. Hammock time. The whirring sound of golf carts going back and forth. A gentle breeze in the shade.

4. Of course, everyone needs to be picked up right when I am ready to take a nap.

5. Look for joy.

6. Leftover steak and a Parker House roll.

7. The difference is confidence.

8. Secret stashes of caramel popcorn.

9. What changes starting today?

10. Lots of things are possible.

Ten.Two Thousand, Two Hundred & Ninety-Seven

1. Easy.

2. As I make my way higher and higher, I spot hot air balloons far off in the morning haze.

3. Dry dirt on hard rock is sometimes slippery. I keep my eye out for things that I don’t want to see.

4. Hawk feather.

5. So hot in the sun. Energy today seems low. No sleep, I’m sure.

6. Thirty-six days.

7. “It’s pretty nice to be talented. If you are, enjoy, but it won’t take you that far. Work takes you a lot further.”
   ― Natalie Goldberg

8. One scoop of olive oil fig gelato.

9. Everyone is gone again. It’s just the two of us. I guess we better get used to this.

10. A tomahawk is very large.