Ten.One Thousand & Seventy-Eight

1. Warmer than I’d like it to be.

2. Intention: hammock after lunch.

3. Still can’t focus.

4. They’re back with the chainsaws. What more is there to remove?

5. I plug in the Nespresso and think back to the day we opened up the box at the old house, a surprise gift from my sister-in-law. I am not so good at giving gifts. It feels like a talent that I have not been able to acquire.

6. What is the source of the mental fog? The cumulative effects of all that is occurring around me? I need to take a break.

7. I just want to see the ocean.

8. I tell them that sometimes I wish I was still just a stay-at-home mom. Not just. Actually, yes. Just a stay-at-home mom. Because somehow, I haven’t been able to figure out how to shift everything to where it feels harmonious.

9. She asks me what I think it is that’s helped me navigate, and it’s just all the years of my self-work, all the years of reading books and learning on my own, that gave me the tools to do this now.

10. It’s like standing in the middle of a room full of plates spinning on tall thin rods and watching them all crash to the ground, one at a time.

11. But I’m not a very patient person.