Ten.One Thousand, Three Hundred & Seventy-Nine

1. 4:00 am.

2. Moving in slow motion. Entire left side of body is sore. Foggy brain.

3. Today, we take it easy.

4. I Marco Polo her as I drive, vomit out the whole story, feel my body temperature rise as the words come out of my mouth. I tell her that I am telling her this because I know she’s a white woman who gets it.

5. I eat exactly the same thing as last time, but the wine is different. I go with the Teroldego, she picks the Rioja. So hot in the sun.

6. She affirms my reaction.

7. She asks me if I saw the article in the Chronicle. I assure her I did; the people on NextDoor won’t stop talking about it.

8. I yawn and it feels like I’ve pulled a muscle.

9. Another baseball game.

10. I put my head down in my hands and close my eyes. “I’m just tired,” I tell him.

11. But my art is how I process.

12. She’s right. It is a gift to them that I’ve chosen to do this quietly. Ego says, “I could burn this whole place down with my words. You don’t even know.”